Fluff Update

by Nazgob

The Badland Outlaws have made it to the play-offs! They played their quarter-final match this morning and we can present this exclusive report from touchline reporter Joe Prince.

(n.b. a full match report and team sheets are available here)

The play-offs started with a bang.

Jack, the famed killer berserker smashed into the Orc defensive line. Hagdish Guung stumbled backwards, lulling the Norse player forwards, before bracing himself and surging forward, assisted by Rark Snotling-Muncher. Just seconds into the match and the most feared Norseman on the pitch was being carted into the dugout on a stretcher.

Things went from bad to worse for the Lads o Liberty. Scrambling to recover, they grabbed the ball and moved towards the wide zone. However, Oddgit, shaman for hire, saw them coming and unleashed the mighty foot of Gork; all three Norsemen beneath its scaly green sole were crushed to the floor. Witnesses swear that one of the men was squashed completely flat, only to be re-inflated by the team apothecary.

With the ball bouncing lose, the Outlaws moved up to recover it. The blockers took up positions to cover it, but 'da Hammer', Egbert Jones, fumbled the pick up. Luckily, the team captain was once against well-placed; he caught the bouncing ball, before blitzing free just seconds later.

Switching to offence, the greenskins pushed forwards. Their inexorable advance was unstoppable, not slowed by either Brort Eralg's injury, nor Splurgle's obsession with the wax dribbling from his ears. Just before the half time whistle, Rark sauntered over the line. In celebration, he ripped the head of a snotling and proceeded to live up to his name.

The second half started as normal. The ball was retrieved without incident. With the Orcs having the man advantage, they began a solid drive.

Midway through the half, the Norse began to fight back. Overconfident, Brort Eralg had stepped a little too far forward, opened himself up to the blitz. The ball bounced free and despite the best efforts of several greenskins and one Ulfwerener, it landed on the ground. Luckily though, Nuffle continued to smile on the Outlaws and as Andrew moved to secure the ball, he missed an outstretched Orc leg and plummeted to the ground.

Moving swiftly, the Outlaws reorganised their play and got the ball to the secure hands of Bar Goblin-Drinker. Prior to this game, the big Black Orc had achieved nothing all season, but he stepped up to the challenge, shepherding the ball into the end zone.

Although Jack did manage to score a couple of casualties, it was a case of too little, too late and nothing could prevent the 2 nil victory by the Badland Outlaws. They now march on to the semi-finals of the Zlurp Nation play-offs, to face either the aerial might of Poachers Pocket, or the evil Dwarves who call themselves the Gears of Blood Bowl.

Tune in next time!

Did you know? Determined to prove the supremacy of the Black Orc, team captain and owner, Rark Snotling-Muncher, has made a bet with his head coach. The fortunes of five snotlings rest upon who scored the most touchdowns; the Outlaws' Black Orc Blockers, or the Blitzers. Currently, the score stands at five all. With five little green existences on the line, it's no wonder that the semi-final game is already sold out.

Player Portrait: Brort Eralg

As some of you may know, I play (and commission) a league on fumbbl in honour of the Zlurpnation. Some of you may also remember that I hate Both Down. Thanks to them, I have been expanding the fluff of my team, the Badland Outlaws. Every game has a write up and a lot of players have a biography; I thought I'd share one of those with you today.

Famous Orc Player Profile BRORT ERALG

Team: Badland Outlaws Age: Unknown Height: 6' 4" Weight: 165lb Rushing: 75 yards Touchowns: 1 Casualties: 1 Most Valuable Player: 2

To everyone's surprise, and the Coach's eternal bemusement and disappointment, Brort applied for funding to go to the Altdorf College of Blood Bowl. There, instead of learning traditional Orcy skills, the blitzer discovered magical things to do with the pig-skin. Like pick it up. Unfortunately for Brort, his elvish tendencies have turned him into the team's whipping boy. Every time he gets near the line, one of the bigger orcs walks over and steals the ball from him.

Did you know? In a desperate attempt to bulk up and stop the bigger boys picking on him, Brort turned to drugs. They simply made him still thinner and more elf-like, as well as providing him with a free sex change operation. Brort now has her own line of Orcy lingerie.

Now, in case you found that boring, here's something to wake you up.

Both Down, I hate you

by Nazgob

I really, really do.

You pointed out a huge flaw in my gaming. In my hobby life, I try to put fluff first; mycetic spores, radical Daemonhunters, D&D characters that do more than stab things with sticks. However, my fumbbl activities of late have been woefully inadequate. Where once my teams and players had stories, now thar are simply a means to an end:

Chaos at the World Cup - Wood Elf practive

Waterbowl testers - Any idea why I made these?

Team Choas at the World Cup - I can't spell, but you still get the idea.

And then, Both Down dedicated an entire segment on why (and how) Blood Bowl teams deserve fluff. I felt ashamed. I can power-game as well as anyone else,* but I do like to have a theme going as well. Even worse, I knew what they were talking about. I help to run the Zlurp Nation Blood Bowl league over on fumbbl and a lot of the gingers' comments were ringing home. My very own, brand new league team, the Knife Sharpeners, had a theme so skeletal, it resembled the Death himself. Guilt made me delete them and start anew.

Both Down, how I hate you.

I have spent hours on my team since then. First, I started looking for a logo. Then, I realised I needed a name first and had to spend time with a map of the Warhammer World to find my little green guys' home town. Having settled on the Badlands to the south of the Empire, a quick google search came up with a variety of lovely icons. With a little bit of judicious editing, the Badland Outlaws were born.

Both Down, I still hate you.

Because I wasn't done there. I still hadn't got a back story for the team, so I had to spend another couple of hours writing (and formatting the HTML) for this little doozy:

Famous Orc Team Profile BADLAND OUTLAWS

Team Colours: Black and Orange Team Owner: Rark Snotling-Muncher Head Coach: Nazgob Players: Black Orcs, Orcs and Trolls

2499	Rark Snotling-Muncher becomes the head of his clan, the Gibbering Moon, by virtue of being the biggest, the ugliest and the smelliest Orc around. Not being able to spell did not affect his ability to fulfill his electoral promises.
2499-2501	Rampaging around the Badlands, Rark beats up several other clans, swelling his ranks.
2501	The Border Princes move against the growing Waaagh. Displaying a stubborn tenacity and stupidity that would make him famous, Rark leads his troops on a suicidal charge against the Empire gunline. The Waaagh over and clan destroyed, Rark retreats into the wilderness, disgraced.
2502-2509	Rark disappears from record during this period and the Gibbering Moon ceases to exist. It is surmised that at some point, during the years 2502-2509, Rark met disgraced Orcland Raiders coach Nazgob. The Black Orc later said that "Nazgob sed we wuz gonna die. I fort, I mite as well die rich and fame-uhs."
2510	The Badland Outlaws begin their career in the minor leagues. Beating up Skaven and Goblins came naturally and the Outlaws made the play-offs. However, in a catastrophic accident with a Slaaneshi wizard and a Halfling Master Chef, many of the Orcs' best players were turned into Chaos Spawn.
2511	Looking to rebuild, head coach Nazgob told Rark about a new opportunity; the Zlurp Nation league. With the money, women, drugs and fame on offer, the Outlaws moved north, stopping only in the Halfling Moot for supplies of fresh meat.

So eventually, I finish and I'm actually feeling pretty pleased. Inspired.

Even stranger, I find myself filled with a warm fuzzy glow, a positive sentiment directed towards the source of all this labour. I might even say, "Both Down, I love you!"

Filled with happiness and confidence, I played my first league game today, and the stupid green-skins lost. As disappointed as I was, I am solaced by the fact that the defeat can be woven into a story; it seems that as the owner and biggest Orc on the team, Rark disapproves of weakness and sacks any player without armour 9.

The moral of the story? Add some fluff and game with style.

And now, the Outlaw's theme tune:

I particularly like these lines:

From their holes and caverns creep

Ten million Orc and Goblin feet

With hungry hearts and sharpened knives

They come to take your worthless lives

Should anyone wish to sponsor the Badland Outlaws or any of their players, they simply have to ask.

*I know how to power-game; use Wood Elves. Whether I am as successful as anyone else is another matter entirely.