Both Down, I hate you

by Nazgob

I really, really do.

You pointed out a huge flaw in my gaming. In my hobby life, I try to put fluff first; mycetic spores, radical Daemonhunters, D&D characters that do more than stab things with sticks. However, my fumbbl activities of late have been woefully inadequate. Where once my teams and players had stories, now thar are simply a means to an end:

Chaos at the World Cup - Wood Elf practive

Waterbowl testers - Any idea why I made these?

Team Choas at the World Cup - I can't spell, but you still get the idea.

And then, Both Down dedicated an entire segment on why (and how) Blood Bowl teams deserve fluff. I felt ashamed. I can power-game as well as anyone else,* but I do like to have a theme going as well. Even worse, I knew what they were talking about. I help to run the Zlurp Nation Blood Bowl league over on fumbbl and a lot of the gingers' comments were ringing home. My very own, brand new league team, the Knife Sharpeners, had a theme so skeletal, it resembled the Death himself. Guilt made me delete them and start anew.

Both Down, how I hate you.

I have spent hours on my team since then. First, I started looking for a logo. Then, I realised I needed a name first and had to spend time with a map of the Warhammer World to find my little green guys' home town. Having settled on the Badlands to the south of the Empire, a quick google search came up with a variety of lovely icons. With a little bit of judicious editing, the Badland Outlaws were born.

Both Down, I still hate you.

Because I wasn't done there. I still hadn't got a back story for the team, so I had to spend another couple of hours writing (and formatting the HTML) for this little doozy:

Famous Orc Team Profile BADLAND OUTLAWS

Team Colours: Black and Orange Team Owner: Rark Snotling-Muncher Head Coach: Nazgob Players: Black Orcs, Orcs and Trolls

2499	Rark Snotling-Muncher becomes the head of his clan, the Gibbering Moon, by virtue of being the biggest, the ugliest and the smelliest Orc around. Not being able to spell did not affect his ability to fulfill his electoral promises.
2499-2501	Rampaging around the Badlands, Rark beats up several other clans, swelling his ranks.
2501	The Border Princes move against the growing Waaagh. Displaying a stubborn tenacity and stupidity that would make him famous, Rark leads his troops on a suicidal charge against the Empire gunline. The Waaagh over and clan destroyed, Rark retreats into the wilderness, disgraced.
2502-2509	Rark disappears from record during this period and the Gibbering Moon ceases to exist. It is surmised that at some point, during the years 2502-2509, Rark met disgraced Orcland Raiders coach Nazgob. The Black Orc later said that "Nazgob sed we wuz gonna die. I fort, I mite as well die rich and fame-uhs."
2510	The Badland Outlaws begin their career in the minor leagues. Beating up Skaven and Goblins came naturally and the Outlaws made the play-offs. However, in a catastrophic accident with a Slaaneshi wizard and a Halfling Master Chef, many of the Orcs' best players were turned into Chaos Spawn.
2511	Looking to rebuild, head coach Nazgob told Rark about a new opportunity; the Zlurp Nation league. With the money, women, drugs and fame on offer, the Outlaws moved north, stopping only in the Halfling Moot for supplies of fresh meat.

So eventually, I finish and I'm actually feeling pretty pleased. Inspired.

Even stranger, I find myself filled with a warm fuzzy glow, a positive sentiment directed towards the source of all this labour. I might even say, "Both Down, I love you!"

Filled with happiness and confidence, I played my first league game today, and the stupid green-skins lost. As disappointed as I was, I am solaced by the fact that the defeat can be woven into a story; it seems that as the owner and biggest Orc on the team, Rark disapproves of weakness and sacks any player without armour 9.

The moral of the story? Add some fluff and game with style.

And now, the Outlaw's theme tune:

I particularly like these lines:

From their holes and caverns creep

Ten million Orc and Goblin feet

With hungry hearts and sharpened knives

They come to take your worthless lives

Should anyone wish to sponsor the Badland Outlaws or any of their players, they simply have to ask.

*I know how to power-game; use Wood Elves. Whether I am as successful as anyone else is another matter entirely.